5 Biggest Mental ED Mistakes

There are lots of mistakes guys make in the way they think about sex that lead to ED. And after helping a ton of guys over the last 20 years or so, I feel like I've seen them all. We'll talk a little about the solutions at the end, but first, here we go. These are 5 Biggest Mistakes I see Guys Make with Mental ED.

Mistake #5: Overemphasizing Intercourse

A lot of guys think sex is ALL about penetration. If it’s not penis-in-vagina, they feel like a failure. That’s a ton of pressure to put on yourself. When the big moment comes, all that stress makes it hard to perform. Here’s the truth: sex can be so much more than just PIV. Putting all the focus there is setting yourself up for trouble.

Mistake #4: Buying Into Macho Stereotypes

Do you buy into macho stereotype where you're supposed to be instantly hard and 100% ready to go 100% of the time? A lot of guys think they're not supposed to need any time to get warmed up, it doesn't matter if they 're sick or tired or mad or have other stuff on your mind. They're always supposed to be Johnny PornStud good-to-go. If this is the way you've been thinking, hate to say it to you, but this line of thinking leads straight to ED.

Mistake #3: Not Talking With Your Partner [KITCHEN BAR ] Here’s a big one: A lot of guys shut down after experiencing ED. They don’t want to talk about it, so they just avoid the conversation. The problem? For many partners, silence is worse than the ED itself. They might even blame themselves, thinking, “Am I not attractive enough?” This creates tension and makes the problem even bigger. Less talk leads to more erection problems—it’s that simple.

Mistake #2: Not Getting Help

Good lord, this one is just sad. Studies show only about 25% of guys with ED ever get help. Why? Because it’s embarrassing. Guys tell me all the time, “I hate talking about this.” I had one client who waited 20 years before his otherwise very patient and supportive wife made him come and see me. After he succeeded - it wasn't that big a deal to solve - he really wished he had reached out much earlier.

Mistake #1: Taking Sex Too Seriously

Taking Sex Too Seriously: When guys base their self-worth - their whole identity - on getting hard, they tend to take it REALLY FUCKING SERIOUSLY. Humor... Flexibility...Openness...Connection...Creativity...it all goes out the window. And most importantly: horniness goes out the window. So you get a really serious, bummed out guy who's not aroused. And the more serious and bummed out he is, the worse his mental ED gets. So yeah, Taking Sex Too Seriously is the number one mistake I see guys make for sure.

Alright, now let’s talk about how to fix these mistakes. Each one deserves its own deep dive video, so just subscribe if you want to hear about them as I release them. In the meantime, here are the headlines. Hopefully they'll at least give you some direction.

SOLUTIONS

5 - If you've been overemphasizing intercourse:...

Solution: Get good at doing more stuff! More sexual skills and options mean less pressure on PIV sex

4: If you're all bought into the Johnny PornStud stereotype...

Solution: See the bigger picture and reacquaint yourself with reality. Let yourself see that you're not a sex robot: you're a human guy. Great news, you don't control it and you're allowed to have a dick that gets both hard AND soft.

3: If you haven't been talking about it enough with your partner....

Solution: I bet you can guess this one....Yeah. Obvious but not always easy. Talk with your partner. A lot.

2. If you haven't been doing anything about getting help...

Solution: Good news! Just by watching videos like this, you're already building some momentum in the direction of a solution. Keep it going. Call the sex therapist, download the ED app, do the online course, call me, see the acupuncturist. Whatever. Taking some action usually feels better and it's a lot more likely to get you where you want to go.

1- If you've been taking Sex Too Seriously?

Solution: just relax a little bit. I know, I know, easier said than done. And it might seem like something that's impossible for you right now. But hear me out. More than one client I've worked with has said a lot of it came down to the idea of seeing the bigger picture just letting it be less of a big deal. And whether you do 20 sessions with a therapist to eventually 'get it' or you 'get it' right now... that's what it can come down to for a lot of guys. If nothing else, maybe something for you to think about. And remember that I'm going to be doing much more in-depth solution videos for each of these mistakes soon.

These mistakes happen because we’re all just trying to do our best with the tools we have. The great news is, you can learn new tools and get game back where you want it to be. If you ever want to work with me to resolve your mental ED, just reach out through the contact page. In the meantime, remember: you’re moving in the right direction. Keep it up. You might even be closer than you think to having a really happy, healthy, and fun sex life again. I hope so.