How to Break Free from the Mental ED Loop

Today we're going to talk about How to Break Free from the Mental ED Loop - that cycle where your anxiety about not getting hard leads to you not getting hard which leads to more anxiety. We'll talk a little about the loop, then I'll take you through the steps for getting out of it.

Understanding the Mental ED Loop

Here’s how the loop usually goes: maybe you're remembering times you've had trouble in the past, maybe you're predicting a bad outcome , maybe you're hyper-focusing on whether or not you're hard. Regardless, all that thinking puts your nervous system into fight-or-flight mode. Your body diverts blood away from your groin, you start losing your erection. Then you notice it’s not working, so you get even more anxious and… well, you’re stuck in that loop. Sound familiar?

How to Break the Mental ED Loop

Catch It
The moment you notice that spiral of anxiety starting, just notice it. Literally say to yourself, ‘This is just my brain doing this thing it does sometimes.’ So you don't have to get mad at it. You don't have to fight it. You don't have to judge yourself for having a brain that thinks that way. Just acknowledge that that's what it's doing right now...no big deal. Just this first simple act of accepting the thoughts can help you begin to relax.
Shift Focus
Next, take a nice slow breath. And as you exhale, shift your focus from the inside (all that thinking) to the outside. Your partner. Your experience. Use your five senses to ground yourself in the moment. Really tune into what you're seeing. The sounds you're hearing with your ears. Any tastes or smells you might be able to absorb yourself in. And especially focus on your sense of touch. Really appreciating the subtleties of all the things you're experiencing in the moment. Letting your senses ground you in your connection with your body, your partner's body and the energy of sex that flows naturally when you let your body lead the experience. Trust me: your body is better at sex than your brain. Let your attention rest deeply with your senses and you may find that that good sexual energy flows very nicely. Just let your attention continue to rest with your senses for as long as you can.
When you start going into your head again (because pretty much guaranteed, you will find your head trying to distract you)

No big deal. Just gently remind your brain that what you're experiencing is a lot more important than your thoughts about it. It's like, do you want to listen to the play-by-play announcer or do you actually want to fully be in the game? Then just give another long slow exhalation and let your attention return to all the rich details of the experience you can notice when you're fully absorbed in what you're feeling...what you're seeing....what you're hearing...what you're tasting...what you're smelling...

Practice Makes Perfect

Like anything, this takes practice. But the more you use these steps, the easier it gets to shift out of the loop and actually enjoy the sex you're having. Remember, leaving the loop isn’t about forcing things; it’s about allowing your attention to shift so your body can do what it already knows how to do.